Some people believe that peer pressure is just for kids in school. Let me tell you, it’s live and ever present in adulthood. As a matter of fact, I believe it’s even worse for adults than it is for kids. The kiddies I see today have no issue with saying ‘no’ and moving on with life.
yIt down right sucks that we live in a society that makes us feel obligated to say ‘yes’ to every request that comes our way
Some of us say ‘yes’ out of pure fear of feeling left out; disappointing the other party; being judged or just to avoid confrontation. No one should strive to be a “yes woman/man”. Essentially that’s what you are when saying ‘yes’ all the time.
According to Vanessa M. Patrick, an associate professor of marketing at C.T Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston, “The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver's seat of your own life”.
I mean let’s think about it: who’s really trying to sit shotgun in their own life??!! Well, at least not this Financialista! We have to take a step back and figure out what it is that we’re really saying ‘yes’ to.
KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING ‘YES’ TO AND KNOW YOUR ‘WHY’.
Perhaps if you explain to your family and friends that you’re trying to live that debt-free life, I promise you they will understand because they love you.
By no means do you have to go into any details, but just let them know that your financial security is your priority right now.
Constantly remind yourself of your “why”. Your “why” can be anything from ensuring that your retirement is secured to making sure you build wealth for your children and grandchildren. Whatever it is, keep your “why” in front of you.
I guarantee that it will help you stick to your guns and keep focused on what’s important for your life. And no you’re not being selfish; it’s called self-love.
THERE’S ALWAYS AN OPPORTUNITY IN SAYING NO.
I’ll never forget this article that I came across a few years ago reciting an excerpt from John Galbraith’s autobiography. It was about an exchange between his housekeeper and President Lyndon Johnson. It went something like this…
Emily: “He is sleeping, Mr. President. He left strict instructions not to be disturbed.”
Pres. Lyndon Johnson: “Well, wake him up. I want to talk to him.”
Emily: “No, I’m sorry Mr. President but I work for him, not you.
President Lyndon Johnson called back later and said to Mr. Galbraith, “Tell that woman I want her here in the White House”.
In the case above, saying ‘no’ brought about an opportunity. Likewise give your life a ‘yes’ to the opportunity of having long-term financial stability.
CREATE ANCHOR PHRASES TO SAYING NO.
Below are a few phrases that can be used instead of saying a flat out ‘no’.
"I'm sorry, but it's just not possible for me to do that right now."
“I apologize but it’s just not within my reach at this time.”
“I’ll have to decline, but thanks for thinking of me anyway.”
I recommend practicing these on total strangers because it’s far easier to turn down a stranger than someone you know. Ladies this one I know you can relate to. Let’s say you’re out and about and some guy rolls up on you and asks for your number. You are likely to decline because you’re either in a committed relationship or just plain ain’t interested. So all you have to do is say, “My apologies but I’m unable to do that.” and then get to steppin’. Likewise when it comes to your money: Be assertive. Be Firm. Don’t be wishy-washy.
I accept that there can be a great challenge in saying ‘no’. But I firmly believe that in reality, saying ‘yes’ all the time can leave to even more stress and anxiety. Over commitment and constantly leaving yourself out can be stressful after a while. Always remember that self-love, self-care and your financial security should be your priorities.
No one is saying that you should say “no” all the time. Strike a balance. Throw in a few “yeses” in between the “no’s” or suggest an opportunity that is more reasonable. We are human and need interaction but not at the risk to our financial future.